Struggling with trusting God

Sometimes I get so angry at God for not using His power to raise up my husband. I can't understand why He would allow a gifted evangelist's voice to be taken away. It comes down to trusting God that He is in control, He is wiser than me, and He sees the future. I want our marriage to glorify God but most of the time, I feel so lost in our marriage. I have absolutely no feedback about my actions or words to my husband. So I just blindly plunder on, trying to love him the best I can but never knowing if I'm hurting him.

Worn out

I am so worn out today. Tired of watching my beloved suffer so much, tired of asking God for mercy on my Beloved and not getting mercy, tired of lazy hospital staff, tired of not being able to do anything to comfort my beloved, tired of not being home with my beloved, tired of fighting spasticity all the time, just wanting so bad for this nightmare to be over.